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A'mour, the Valentines Faery by James Browne
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Handfasting History
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The old way in Great Britain for couples to pledge their
betrothal was for them to join hands, his right to her right,
his left to her left, tying the bride and groom's hands or
actually the wrists together. In some versions, this is only
done for as long as the ceremony lasts, but in others, the cord
is not untied until the marriage is physically consummated.
Done in front of witnesses, this made
them officially "married" for a year and a day, following which
they could renew permanently or for another year and a day. This
was called "Handfasting" and was used mostly in rural areas
where priests and ministers did not go that often.
The Handfasting gesture seems to have
been derived from one of the ancient Indo-European images of
male-female conjunction, the infinity sign, whose twin circles
represented the sun (female) and the moon (male) or in some of
the southern Mediterranean traditions it was sun (male) and moon
(female).
Handfastings were traditional before weddings became a legal
function of the government or taken over by the formal religions
in the early 1500's. Handfastings
remained legal in
Scotland all the way up to 1939, even after Lord Harwicke’s Act
of 1753 declaring that marriages in England were legal only if
performed by a clergyman. After Lord Harwicke’s Act, the
Scottish border town, Gretna Green became a mecca for eloping
couples from England who fled there to perform their own
Handfastings.
The very word Handfasting derived its origin from the wedding
custom of tying or hitching the bride and groom's hands or
actually their wrists together, as a symbol to their clan, tribe
or village of their decision to be bound together in family
living. The traditional length of time was a year and a day, or
13 moon cycles. If the marriage proved to last over this period
of time, then the vows would be renewed for a life time or they
renewed them for "as long as love shall last". Often during this
period of time the bride would be referred to as a Virgin, or 'a
woman not owned by a man'. The wedding would be best arranged
during the time of the new moon, for the new moon symbolizes new
beginnings, the beginning of a new cycle and also looks like the
Moon Goddess smiling down on them in the night sky.
The ritual itself might have been led by
a respected non-church affiliate such as
a Chieftain, Leader, Priest, Priestess,
Shaman, or Elder of the community while
the couple took turns reciting their
vows of promise to be engaged for a year
and a day in front of witnesses.
On the last day of “the year and a day
promise” they would then make a promise
for infinity repeating their promise to
each again. A cord is tied
in a knot around their hand while the
ritual takes place. This is where
the term “tie the knot came from” when
referring to getting engaged or married
today.
In the days of old, records were not
kept on who got engaged, married, had
kids, and died. Today the
Sacraments of the church has the
responsibility of taking care of these
things. Before the church took
over these duties, these things were
overseen by the whole community and
therefore were set in law by their
witnessing what happened between the
couple making the promise.
If a handfasting was performed with the
two left hands together without the
tying of the knot, as was the custom of
rich and influential German nobility, it
meant that the woman was a mistress and
would not be able to claim the name,
inheritance, property, etc. of the real
wife and was only in the protection of
the man. But her offspring would
be taken care of as legal heirs second
in line to the man's legal and first
wife. Having lots of
children was once the only form of
"Social Security" in one's old age. The
previous combinations were all
considered legal and binding in an
engagement or marriage except for the
“left hand ritual.”
Two-handed Handfasting still constituted
a fully legal marriage throughout Europe
whether the blessing of the church was
sought or not. Clergymen, of
course, recommended that newlyweds
attend church as soon as possible after
the signing of the contract and the
Handfasting. Marriage is now one
of the Seven Sacraments that had been
ignored by the church for
centuries. Only the very wealthy and
affluent could afford church marriages.
Handfastings were under the jurisdiction
of common law rather than canon law.
In the 16th century in
Switzerland, if couples were seen in
public drinking together they could be
considered married.
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Planning a Handfasting
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There is no set rule to perform a handfasting ritual, there are only
guidelines. It is up to the couple to perform details and specifics so
the handfasting is personal, meaningful and unique. This
commitment is not a lifetime commitment unless the couple chooses it to
be. This does not mean that a handfasting should not be taken seriously,
quite the contrary, the vows taken during a handfasting should be taken
just as seriously as any other form of marriage vow or even more
seriously since the couple will be 'bound' to each by way of blood and
word of honor which used to be taken more seriously then it is today.
The spiritual bond of this commitment is taken very seriously. A
spiritual bond is more serious than a physical bond.
The laws about alternative marriages and their legal standings are
different in every country, so it is best to check with your country's
legal marriage laws first before conducting a handfasting.
When
planning for a handfasting, it is the same as planning for a traditional
wedding: Food, guests, invitations, music, etc.
The ritual
varies, but there are common elements. A sacred space is chosen by the
couple, usually alongside a lake, in a meadow of wild flowers or on a
hill. Someone ordained of the faith must be chosen in advance to perform
the ceremony. The ceremony then begins by welcoming the guests for
coming and welcoming the goddess and god and all the elements for being
present. The couples hands are tied at the wrists with a red ribbon to
symbolize their unity. Traditionally the palms or wrists were slightly
cut to shed some blood so that their blood may be exchanged and
therefore signifying how seriously this commitment is taken by both
parties. I used to have a Scottish handfasting 'chant' that went
something as follows, " blood of my blood and bone of my bone...".
Today, couples favor just the handfasting with a ribbon without the
blood ritual. Vows written by each person are then exchanged, signifying
the oral contract between the couple. Rings are also exchanged to
symbolize a token of love and affection and the circle of eternal love.
Sometimes, a couple will take ribbon and 'tie a knot', this is where we
get the expression of 'tying the knot'. After the vows and rings are
exchanged the couple's wrists are then unbound and they can walk
together along the same path of life voluntarily 'bound' to each other
by personal oral vows as well as by ' blood and bone'. The ceremony then
proceeds with a party of music, cake, food, wine and ale. It is also
customary for a couple to jump a broom after the ceremony. Jumping the
broom derives from a time when some couples could not afford a wedding
or handfasting and therefore a broom was laid out for them and witnesses
would be present to see the couple jump a broom and be publicly accepted
as a 'married' couple.
HANDFASTING HERBS, FLOWERS AND PLANTS:
Anise, apple blossom, caraway, coriander, damiana, elderflower, ginger,
holly, ivy, jasmine, lavender, lemon verbena, licorice, lotus, maple,
marjoram, meadowsweet, mistletoe, orchid root, quince, rose, rosemary
and yarrow.
 Colors
of the Cord used in tying the Knot and their significance:
Dark
Blue -
for a safe journey and
longevity
Light Blue
- for understanding and patience
Pink
- for romance, honor, partnership and
happiness
Green
- for health, prosperity, luck, fertility and
beauty
Red - for courage,
strength and passion
Yellow - for wisdom and harmony
Brown - for healing animals and the home
Silver - for creativity and protection
Gold
- for unity, prosperity, and longevity
White - for peace, sincerity and devotion
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For more information about Handfasting,
Planning and Advice, and Links... go to
"Witches
Wed."
A wonderful
website full
of information and most
everything you will need to know about
planning a Handfasting.
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A'mour, the Valentines Faery by
James Browne - used
with permission
Please visit
James Browne's Website to view his
beautiful Art
"Planning a
Handfasting" provided by
Silverdove
Midi
"Butterfly"
is
used with permission
copyright © 2001 Bruce
DeBoer
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Whispers©2001 -
All Rights Reserved
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